comedy, marriage, Women

What is Foreplay?

In February 2015 I performed in Expressing Motherhood– an amazing stage show where people tell personal stories about motherhood. While backstage I asked my castmates a question:

What is foreplay to you?

I have no idea why I asked this question. It must’ve seemed hella creepy since I was a stranger to most of them. But anyway… here are their answers:  

“If I come home and my husband has put the kids to bed and cleaned the towels up off the floors and loaded the dishwasher and started a load of laundry and started the dishwasher and clorox-wiped the counters I will take my clothes off right there in the kitchen.”


“Old Enigma from the 90’s and Mazzie Star.”

“Being in a hotel room.”

“A martini and 60 Minutes.”

“Getting waxed. I gotta tell ya it’s hard to get home from the waxing place without pulling some gardener off the side of the road.”

“Music and candles. I love to go out to dinner first. I’m old fashioned that way. Also, the hot tub…. great lighting. We put twinkle lights in the back (so I don’t fall down the stairs, but still…)”

“Folded laundry. Clean dishes. If I don’t have to think about that shit, you are getting laid. You might even get a blow job!”


“When my kids go to their dad’s for the weekend.”

“If there’s an actual conversation and he makes me laugh.”

“Nothing. Sex is so much better now that we’ve gotten rid of cable.”


*I just found this list while searching through old notes. I’m trying to post every day for the entire month of May, so I figured I’d start with posts that I never published. How dare I keep this very important information from the public! If you were backstage with me that year and recognize your quote- tell me and I will credit you.

Feel free to share this list with friends (or better, your partner) and add your own foreplay definition in the comments below. Have fun! And if you’re wanting to hear more from hilarious people like these ladies, check out Expressing Motherhood for a complete list of their upcoming shows. Next up, Portland!

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