Today I’d like to share a modern take on a recipe that has been with my family for generations. This particular form of Disaster originated in Southern Babylonia and was etched into twelve ancient tablets before going viral on Pinterest just last week. I’ve adapted the recipe to fit our gluten-free diet, but all variables can be substituted with more or less the same results.
Disaster is best served on a bed of fresh avoidance.
Recipe for Disaster
- 2 kids, any age
- 4 parents, talking
- 0-12 margaritas, salted
- 1 plate of nachos
- 1 pair of scissors
- 2 tablespoons Mommy’s Serious Voice
In a large room, mix parents.
Fold in nacho plate.
Add wet ingredients.
Sprinkle conversation topics such as “What was Alderman Ricci thinking with that ridiculous rotary?” and “Did you hear Betsy’s boob job got botched?” and “Wow, isn’t it nice to talk to each other without the kids interrupting!”
Continue mixing parents until light and fluffy.
Oh wait, I forgot to tell you what to do with the kids. Nevermind. Completely forget about the kids. It’s margarita time!
Let kids simmer wherever the hell they are for 15 minutes.
At first conversation lull casually toss in a “Hey, where are the kids?”
If kids are completely silent, congratulations! Disaster is ready.
Discover disaster on the patio with scissors, standing in a circle of clipped hair.
Observe hideous new haircuts.
Optional: On high heat, add 2 tablespoons Mommy’s Serious Voice and fry kids until golden brown.