Family, House

Potty Training 101 – How to Remove Urine and Feces from Upholstery

I want to raise fearless girls. I want them to grow into women who break rules, cross boundaries and don’t take no for an answer. Fortunately, I see them heading in this direction, which is good. Unfortunately, sometimes the rules that should be broken get mixed up with the ones that shouldn’t.

Like when Smalls tells me she’s ready for potty training and then proceeds to pee all over the couch.Upholstery Cleaning_1

This is not the kind of rule-breaking I’m interested in.

When I first saw the giant stain I thought, well, this is what I get for putting a $2,000 Case Study day bed in the playroom. Everyone knows you can’t have nice things when you have children. But then I remembered… we’d been down this road before. Only that time it was a New York City snow globe that leaked oil all over the couch. A friend recommended I call COIT and within 24 hours it was stain-free. There was no doubt I’d call COIT again.

So I go to their website to get their number and I’m curious: what does COIT stand for anyway? Why is it capitalized? Turns out it’s named after the Coit fire tower in San Francisco. Lillie Hitchcock Coit was the benefactor of its construction. And get this: the woman was a feminist trailblazer. She was a volunteer firefighter at a time when women were expected to stay in the home. She shaved her head so her wigs would be more comfortable. She even dressed like a man so she could do things women weren’t allowed to do.

Oh, HELL yeah. This is the company for us.

They have this awesome guide to stain removal on their website. Just click on the type of stain you need to remove and get step by step instructions. I also love this spot removal infographic. But because this stain wasn’t straight up urine, but a lovely urine/feces blend, and because I spent so much damn money on the couch, I figured it would be wise to call in the professionals. Also, their website says “100% guarantee or your money back.” If I performed the work myself, I could only guarantee zero customer satisfaction. Years ago, when I dealt with a potty training mishap with Bigs, I went the ‘ol baking soda and sunshine route on her mattress. Not only was it a huge mess, but the stain remained, and every time I walk into that bedroom I’m looking around for a naughty puppy. Urine odor does not easily depart. Am I right, pet owners?Upholstery Cleaning_2

My COIT serviceman, Blue, showed up ready for action. (His name matched his shirt!) We hovered over the stain for a moment shaking our heads and sharing potty training war stories. It was good to remember that I’m not alone over here. Millions of parents deal with this every day. That’s why I want to share my experience with you– to assure you that yes, you CAN have children AND nice things. Let the salespeople judge you as superficial and impractical as you carry that gorgeous couch out of their store and into your home. Let your unpredictable, diaperless munchkin play on that couch. And  sleep soundly knowing that a company named COIT has your back.Upholstery Cleaning_3

I don’t know what’s in COIT’s secret sauce, but they do this cleaning/extraction thing that is genius. It took Blue 30 minutes to clean the entire couch and disinfect it. When he brought it back inside it was practically dry, but he told me to wait another 30 minutes just to make sure the stain did not return. It did not. It was like NOTHING EVER HAPPENED.Upholstery Cleaning_4

I urge you to memorize these invaluable potty training tips:

1. Use outdoor rugs and fabrics indoors when possible.

2. Do not assume that because your child can articulate that she is ready for full-on potty usage, she knows what the hell she’s talking about. Work on pee pee first, then poopie.

3. When you forget to do numbers 1 and 2, call COIT.


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